Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
Don't let it go away
This feeling has got to stay
And I can't believe I've had this chance now
Don't let it go away

Just as I was pulling into the driveway tonight, this familiar old song started playing on the radio.  Although I'm somewhat sure the lyrics are more about having found a new love, the chorus seemed to be speaking directly to me.  So, I parked the car, released my seatbelt, killed the lights and engine, and sat back to hear the rest of it out.

At this point, I'm pretty sure the depression is gone.  I keep having these moments that feel like I'm breathing again after having held my breath for the last two years.  It's a relief to put it mildly.  I used to get glimpses of the feeling every now and then, sometimes after having gone without sleep for a day, but I'd eventually go to bed and wake to find it had vanished. 

I was getting ready to pack it up and head inside when the next song came on:  "Fade into you."  Before the lyrics even began, I had cracked the window a few inches and lit up a cigarette.  This time, I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why I wanted to keep listening, but I settled back into my seat anyway.  I could feel the cold air pouring in and down onto my lap as the residual warmth from the drive home wafted out with the smoke.  The rearview and driver's side mirrors reflected different views of the Christmas lights my father had strung up here.  The light was enough to faintly illuminate the areas near them; oddly looping, overpopulated constellations floating in near darkness.

And the chance I've now had that I can't believe I've been given is the chance to feel like I'm breathing again, the chance to experience and appreciate life like I used to. 

The opening riff to "Blister in the sun" finally got me up out of my seat.  Don't get me wrong, it's every bit an old favorite as the other two songs.  It was the rhythm of it.  It got into my legs and feet, and in my mind, as I found myself walking towards the house, I was hearing it play as the background music to the closing credits on this night.

Wherever you are, however things might be going, don't forget to stop and take a breath every now and then.  Merry Christmas!